Welcome to ze Beer Garden - please try to stay SFW for now

valentinselezynov: Today was amazing. You might remember that i posted about a problem i was having with Lauren, who i work with. She generally gets me to do things then makes comments like "good boy" and she actually patted me on the head once.

Anyway, today i was busy with a customer and needed this adapter switch thing to show him, but we couldn't find ours. The main boss just so happened to be close by, and told Lauren to go and get it from the other stand for me.

Then when she brought it back i said "good girl" and her face shrank. It was magnificent.

You actually earned a +1 from me.

holy jesus god. i just took a fat swig from what was at LEAST a 5 day old beer i had forgotten in my drunken wanderings.

i thought it was my fresh one i just opened.

it tastes like semen smells, only i'd imagine semen probably tastes better. any reasonable woman would punch me for this taste.

i feel sick, and i am a fucking IDIOT. why did i leave a beer out, why did i not notice it was 70 degrees.

randy bandyleg: holy jesus god. i just took a fat swig from what was at LEAST a 5 day old beer i had forgotten in my drunken wanderings.

i thought it was my fresh one i just opened.

it tastes like semen smells, only i'd imagine semen probably tastes better. any reasonable woman would punch me for this taste.

i feel sick, and i am a fucking IDIOT. why did i leave a beer out, why did i not notice it was 70 degrees.

why didn't my wife see it?! why haven't i been barked at for this?!

randy bandyleg: why didn't my wife see it?! why haven't i been barked at for this?!

You seem to have swallowed your own answer.

randy bandyleg: why didn't my wife see it?! why haven't i been barked at for this?!

Luckily, it all works out to be her fault!

/hooray!

stimp: Luckily, it all works out to be her fault!

/hooray!

oh no. this is all me, my friend. i'm just surprised that my wife didn't save me from my own idiocy. she's usually really good about that, one of the many reasons i married her. she's now gone for the weekend to a funeral, which makes me nervous about my prospects for survival over the next three days. i already fucked it up and i've been here all of an hour.

man. i seem to be the last jackass posting in threads again. that means it's time to get to some cartoonish buffoonery in real life.

i'll talk to yall later.

randy bandyleg: man. i seem to be the last jackass posting in threads again. that means it's time to get to some cartoonish buffoonery in real life.

i'll talk to yall later.

Luckily there's no such thing as "last jackass" in the beer garden.

randy bandyleg: holy jesus god. i just took a fat swig from what was at LEAST a 5 day old beer i had forgotten in my drunken wanderings.i thought it was my fresh one i just opened.it tastes like semen smells, only i'd imagine semen probably tastes better. any reasonable woman would punch me for this taste.i feel sick, and i am a fucking IDIOT. why did i leave a beer out, why did i not notice it was 70 degrees.

Because you were thirsty.

quinblake: Luckily there's no such thing as "last jackass" in the beer garden.

Lies, I tell you.

the electric jackass: Lies, I tell you.

You would know!
/I used an exclamation mark recklessly - channeling selective disclosure

someone who may or may not be penguin: Does anyone else feel like the role of logic and rationality flows south in North America?


An apple, a vest has no sleeves.

a government OF THE PEOPLE

Bannination is doomed. I hate to point this out. Hopefully you'll all find your place on reddit, /b/, or fark. See you all there. It's been fun.

//Just remember, my horse is amazing.

i have a hangover. and now i have to go in to work to make sure my boss doesn't get ripped off by this mobile mechanic he called.

dude tried to tell old bossman that his brake job was going to cost 1400 dollars on a 3 year old, basic package 2wd f150.

i'm going to ask him today to line item that for me, and hopefully i will get the excuse i need to bounce his ass off the sidewalk a few times.

shit pisses me off so bad.

I broke a nail half down my nail bed. It is dangling by a small piece of flesh that I cannot pull the nail off of. Mother fucking ouch.

spongegirl circleskirt: I broke a nail half down my nail bed. It is dangling by a small piece of flesh that I cannot pull the nail off of. Mother fucking ouch.

ice, vodka, gritted teeth and garden shears

tumescent: ice, vodka, gritted teeth and garden shears

I just removed it with nail clippers. Band-aid is on. You can see the tender flesh exposed. it's gross.

spongegirl circleskirt: I just removed it with nail clippers. Band-aid is on. You can see the tender flesh exposed. it's gross.

Use your camera!

tumescent: Use your camera!

You asked for it.

spongegirl circleskirt: You asked for it.

Wait, I just remembered you're one of the people who made fun of my grotesquely mangled hobbit feet, how can you think I'd be disturbed by that little booboo?

Cute hand.

tumescent: Wait, I just remembered you're one of the people who made fun of my grotesquely mangled hobbit feet, how can you think I'd be disturbed by that little booboo?

Cute hand.

hobbit feet..heh.

i'm glad i calmed down and chilled out for a while.

rationally, i called up this SOB, and got his price down below what firestone would charge, and he's going to leave the old parts and receipts and warranties on the new parts.

i'm glad that the people i call for advice usually give me good advice. bouncing white trash off of pavement might be satisfying, but not productive. plus, if i get locked up for being awesome, i'd have to wait until my wife gets into town to get bailed, most likely.

this might be a decent day after all.

spongegirl circleskirt: You asked for it.

i take it you did not put the lotion on the skin?

randy bandyleg: i'm glad i calmed down and chilled out for a while.

rationally, i called up this SOB, and got his price down below what firestone would charge, and he's going to leave the old parts and receipts and warranties on the new parts.

i'm glad that the people i call for advice usually give me good advice. bouncing white trash off of pavement might be satisfying, but not productive. plus, if i get locked up for being awesome, i'd have to wait until my wife gets into town to get bailed, most likely.

this might be a decent day after all.

You're supposed to wait at least half an hour after getting out of bed to start drinking again, preferably 45 minutes

tumescent: You're supposed to wait at least half an hour after getting out of bed to start drinking again, preferably 45 minutes

coffee, lox, and the lamb's bread, son. i'm not really a heavy drinker. my stomach is getting to be quite the little bitch ass.

randy bandyleg: i take it you did not put the lotion on the skin?

*shudder*
no Should I try rubbing alcohol? :P

randy bandyleg: coffee, lox, and the lamb's bread, son.

Is lamb's bread a really yeasty beer or something like that?

Also, what's up with the lox? I thought only a handful of jewish people in manhattan ate lox.

spongegirl circleskirt: *shudder*
no Should I try rubbing alcohol? :P

Noooooo

Neosporin

spongegirl circleskirt: *shudder*
no Should I try rubbing alcohol? :P

no, it's a broken fingernail joke.



or, i was going to explain how there's an emergency escape latch in the trunks of modern cars.

tumescent: Is lamb's bread a really yeasty beer or something like that?

Also, what's up with the lox? I thought only a handful of jewish people in manhattan ate lox.

1. google.

2. lox is fantastic

randy bandyleg: no, it's a broken fingernail joke.



or, i was going to explain how there's an emergency escape latch in the trunks of modern cars.

Are you serious? Wow. How long has ... wait, you're pulling my leg again! >.<

tumescent: Noooooo

Neosporin

Yes that. I will have my manicurist put on a new nail too. My right hand has two more broken nails.

randy bandyleg: 1. google.

No u!

randy bandyleg: 2. lox is fantastic

I didn't even think it was available outside a few delis in manhattan.

tumescent: Are you serious? Wow. How long has ... wait, you're pulling my leg again! >.<

i'm a quarter leg-puller on my father's side.

randy bandyleg: no, it's a broken fingernail joke.

[image removed]

or, i was going to explain how there's an emergency escape latch in the trunks of modern cars.

Heh. I knew what you were quoting. :)

tumescent: No u!



I didn't even think it was available outside a few delis in manhattan.

go to the store, get a bagel or two. i like everything bagels or onion bagels, m'self.

get some quality cream cheese, and some smoked salmon sliced thin. smoked salmon is hit or miss, though there are some good ones out there. or smoke it yourself.

apply cream cheese to toasted bagel, apply salmon to cream cheese, apply sammich to face hole.

tumescent: No u!



I didn't even think it was available outside a few delis in manhattan.

Lotsa delis in LA too. Now I want a lox sammich. Cream cheese cucumber tomato and capers. Oh and of course lox.

Oh now I'm hungry.

randy bandyleg: i'm a quarter leg-puller on my father's side.

Got a link submitted now on how to escape from trunks :D

spongegirl circleskirt: Lotsa delis in LA too. Now I want a lox sammich. Cream cheese cucumber tomato and capers. Oh and of course lox.

i have never had it with the capers or any of that other stuff. the fish and cheese and sammich all seem tasty enough, but i'm kind of a minimalist when it comes to food. simple but lots of it.

I'm going on a bagel mission. There's a good deli in Pasadena.

randy bandyleg: i have never had it with the capers or any of that other stuff. the fish and cheese and sammich all seem tasty enough, but i'm kind of a minimalist when it comes to food. simple but lots of it.

Yeah, same. I guess your wife cooks when the food gets cooked?

randy bandyleg: i have never had it with the capers or any of that other stuff. the fish and cheese and sammich all seem tasty enough, but i'm kind of a minimalist when it comes to food. simple but lots of it.

You gave me a case of the NOMS. OM NOM NOM.

spongegirl circleskirt: I'm going on a bagel mission. There's a good deli in Pasadena.

doot doo, doo doo doot doo, doo doo duh nuh nuuuuuuh, duh nuh nuuuuuuh, duh duh

tumescent: Yeah, same. I guess your wife cooks when the food gets cooked?

we mix it up. i can cook over fire like nobody's business, but my wife is better at consistently making large dishes for weekly consumptions. she usually cooks the meals we dice up and put into the freezer, i cook the things we eat all at once, especially if there's open flames involved.

randy bandyleg: doot doo, doo doo doot doo, doo doo duh nuh nuuuuuuh, duh nuh nuuuuuuh, duh duh

Ha!

tumescent: Yeah, same. I guess your wife cooks when the food gets cooked?

like, i love taking my time and making a couple beer-butt chickens, or a big ass mess of jerk chicken or curried goat, or pork butt, anything that is a slow and low work of art.

one day, i hope to open a barbecue truck with my and my father's recipes. we'll be rich, and i'll be doing something i love.

people who artfully create dishes kick ass. i hope someday to transcend my utilitarian cooking and create mouthbound masterpieces.

randy bandyleg: mouthbound masterpieces

Tagged!... oh... dammit

/that keeps happening in here

randy bandyleg's jerk chicken:

chicken parts, with skin

decent jerk, which you can make yourself (jerk ~ jerky seasoning), or buy anywhere that sells caribbean spices and veggies. good stuff tends to have scotch bonnet. ask a jamaican.

canola oil

coca cola

beer


start drinking the beer.

wearing latex or equiv. gloves, push liberal amounts of jerk spice into the fatty void betwixt the skin and meat of the chicken. do this everywhere there is skin.

apply canola oil to skin, apply any remaining jerk spice to the outside of the chicken.

let that shit chill for a while.

start a fire in your grill, with a hot side and a cool side. my grill is round, so i put a hot spot in the middle and cooler out to the edge.

when the fire is ready, put the chicken in the middle to flash the skin crispy. use dribbles of coke to put out fires and baste the chicken to keep from burning, but do not overly wet it.

when reasonably crispy, move chicken to the outside of the fire. you will want to cook them, most of the time, bone side up. at this point, you can baste liberally with coke whenever you want, but don't penetrate the chicken until you are reasonably sure that it's done. a meat thermometer hole will fuck up a breast real quick.

dark meat needs higher temps than white meat, generally speaking. keep your breasts low and slow to keep em juicy, but make sure that your dark meat gets adequate heat.


i make this once a month. everyone lubs it and brings tribute and we feast like beasts off the leash.

i've seen some good recipes floating around here from time to time, too. we should have a bner recipe thread.

randy bandyleg: i've seen some good recipes floating around here from time to time, too. we should have a bner recipe thread.

I would do this later in the day. The thread is likely to get lost at this hour.

Why are there three merlotdowns from last night? Why? Yuck.

so what did i miss last night.

i actually found myself out of the house on a friday night for once

Today, My Son, You Are a New Yorker.

Dad to four-year-old son: Okay, this is our stop.
Four-year-old son: I hate life.
Dad: What?
Four-year-old son: I hate life.

--1 Train

Overheard by: RAF

\Overheard in New York

iggins: so what did i miss last night.

i actually found myself out of the house on a friday night for once

Let's just say that we decided bV no longer stands for bannivision, it now stands for Boobville.

Since a lot of trollish behavior is being run off this site by community moderation or by simply ignoring it, I noticed some old names posting, lurkers coming out of the closet, and a few new users. It's kinda nice.

mrhappyrotter: Let's just say that we decided bV no longer stands for bannivision, it now stands for Boobville.

so whose boobs did i miss

Pretty much everybody's and we couldn't even post scraps of it b/c the bV thread was SFW.

Okay, actually that's a lie. The only thing you missed is you could have watched me play Megaman 10 for a couple of hours and then flash my moobs several time before stripping down to my undies to chat.

mrhappyrotter: Pretty much everybody's and we couldn't even post scraps of it b/c the bV thread was SFW.

That's what the strip club is for.

ludditemike: That's what the strip club is for.

Popular myth, mike, but the strip club hasn't been implements in bN 2.0.

implements = implemented, apparently I can't type today

mrhappyrotter: Popular myth, mike, but the strip club hasn't been implements in bN 2.0.

You just need to know how to get there.